Post 16: A letter to someone who has hurt you lately

Post 16: A letter to someone who has hurt you lately

If you know me...I have a big mouth...or shall I say...I am very opinionated and not afraid to show it....well MOST of the time. However, there are times where either #1-the person who I'd like to say something to doesn't really like me enough to CARE to hear what I have to say OR #2-I don't CARE enough about them to spend my breath to say it OR #3-I could really damage a relationship with someone I do CARE about if I were to say something.

SO...I am breaking the rules here and instead of writing a letter to one person, I am gonna say a few things that I'd like to say in person. I think I might feel better to get a few things off my chest.

(SO...that is how I STARTED....I wrote a few letters...I read them all to Matt...he said I sounded like an angry person-which I really AM NOT....but I do have to say...surprisingly it felt good to get it off my chest....so I am going to leave the 2 letters that fall into category #1 above-I guess I still sound a little angry in them...but I can tell you that I am at peace with it all, honestly. Maybe writing these letters were the last piece of the "peace" puzzle. I will keep the other letters I wrote to myself)

I will leave it anonymous in order to preserve all innocent parties.

Dear * I was fine before I met you. Somehow you weaseled your way into my life. I realized what having a true best friend meant. I don't think I had ever had anybody care about me the way you did. OR so I thought. One day you were gone. With no explanation. No opportunity for me to apologize for whatever it is that I had done. If it was because I voiced my opinion-then how in the world did you want to become my friend in the first place-because me voicing my opinion shoulda never been anything new. Well, it has been nearly a year and I have to say that I am stronger now. I no longer feel a void with you being gone. I don't think I will ever let anyone into my life like that again, though. I just don't think I could take that pain. It is probably for the best that we aren't friends-I don't think you were a very good influence on me anyway. I wish I didn't care-and maybe it is good that you so violently "quit" me (like you quit SOO many people in your life that cared about you)-because I NEVER would have "quit" you-even if I should have.

Dear * you were probably one of the worst bosses I have ever had. In your own little self-involved life you have no idea what you have done to me. I was doing 100% fine where I was when you "promoted" me. You set me up to fail and made me the scapegoat when you wanted your test to fail. You have no idea how miserable you made my life. You moved me to another department knowing it was going away-just to stop * from going through it. You made me have to write 18 PEs for people that I barely knew...and gave me no credit for the smooth dissolution of that department. Then you put me back into the bad edge of the same "test"...trying to further prove your point-NOT to do what was right. You didn't want to listen to reason NOR to any of the ideas that I suggested. When I came to you for help you told me to "work harder", seriously?! You called me a complainer and said I was doing better when I purposely avoided you at all costs (staying silent whenever I was in your presence)-what kind of a manager is that?! I suspect that you personally had a hand in ensuring my PE was lower than it should have been. I suspect that you helped get my Team Leader of the year award yanked after only seeing me for one month-neglecting to notice my previous 11 before you. When I finally proved you wrong-you gave me no credit at all for the success. The first chance you had to dump me-you did. You said horrible things about me to my next Manager leading her to believe that I was a piece of crap. It took me an entire year to get back to where I was finally happy at work again. I can't believe that you don't see that you had favorites, that you had people that you treated differently. I have never had a manager that didn't get to know their people-that could be so cold and so cruel. I get so angry when I think about the effect you had on me in 5 short months. I am just grateful that we aren't together and I hope we never work together again-and I never say that about ANYONE!

Whew.....okay...so please don't think that I am a mean person with pent up feelings because if someone ever asks my opinion-(and sometimes when they don't ask) I am 100% open. I guess my redeeming quality is that I am very forgiving. If someone were to say sorry to me-I don't hold a grudge. I tend to give people second chances. I can't stay angry if someone is trying to apologize. The trick is to let things go when the said person hasn't apologized...but I do realize that not forgiving only hurts me. All I can do is try to be the best person I can be...I hope that if I have upset anyone-they will let me know so that I can try to apologize. My big opinionated mouth has cost me a few relationships...but I know that the ones worth keeping will be honest with me and love me no matter what.